Month: January 2017

Young Pope Rules

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After the success of “Westworld” I was intrigued to see where HBO would go next. “The Young Pope” is probably less commercial but may end up being even better. The show is about a very flamboyant new American Pope who may be bisexual and agnostic. Jude Law is outstanding in this role in the first episode. Diane Keaton is promising as the nun and his most trusted advisor who brought him up after his parents died in his youth. The viewer is left wondering why his character was chosen to be pope, as well as what role and motivation Keaton’s character had in actualizing Law’s ascent to the papacy.

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This show has some very memorable moments such as imagined speeches that the Pope gives where he tells the crowds who came to see him to do whatever the hell they want. He appears to be conflicted about what message he wants to give his followers. The director has a sly way of showing that the personal interest of the ruler pope is not what is similarly in the best interest of his followers.

What makes the Young Pope so interesting is that it is very unpredictable. The viewer has no way of knowing his intentions. What is clear is that he is highly ambitious, cunning, and ruthless. He smokes cigarettes, and crosses over taboo subjects in his conversations and in his daydreams. There are hints of a dark past.

It will be fascinating to see if this show generates controversy in America. Will this show’s cynical take on the Pope amuse or repel audiences? Well, it amused me and held me in thrall. I think this kind of intelligent entertainment is what we need right now in the wake of our political landscape being so dumbed-down and partisan. “The Young Pope” is not for everyone, but it is a must for the thoughtful viewer. This show airs new episodes Sunday and Monday nights on HBO.

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Bye Bye Man : TeenieSlayer

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I went to check out this flick because the trailer made it look like a cool rip-off of the 90’s classic Candyman. Knew there was a chance that there would be a bunch of annoying teens at the theatre because this film is only PG-13. So while standing in line there were a bunch of 14 year olds buying tickets in big groups ahead of us, one after the next. The film was pretty basic, a boogieman of sorts exists, who shows up and kills you when you become aware of his existence. Well actually he gets you to kill yourself and anyone else who knows by causing hallucinations. The Bye Bye Man appears as a tall skinny mute albino demon looking type thing and he has a burley hell-dog that munches on you after you perish. That part is pretty effective, and the visuals are good.

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And a lot of people die in this film (for a PG-13).

The down side of this film are that there is no character development. The main character’s only personality is that he wears different punk rock t-shirts everyday. The Bye Bye Man is killing teen after teen, and for better or worse, the viewer is indifferent to their plight since they are just another pretty face. Another minus is that the crowd of pubescent teens are talking over this film about the various 9th grade parties going on later that night, complete with their puberty fantasies , while the movie is playing. I would recommend going to see this film after curfew so that you don’t have to deal with annoying teens. The lady from the Matrix has a small part as detective, which is well acted. The acting in the flashback scenes was a bit weak though.

Some might say that the film fails to give an explanation for the Bye Bye Man’s origin. I think its good that it avoids that cliché. The film is from a pretty acclaimed director. And its pretty good overall for a teeny bopper film. It could have been better had it been rated R and took more time with character development and took itself more seriously, because the villain is horrific.

White Man to Play Michael Jackson

Joseph Fiennes is set to play Michael Jackson in a film about a road trip he took with Marlon Brando, and Elizabeth Taylor (back in the day). People are pissed!

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http://www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/nightmarish-first-look-joseph-fiennes-michael-jackson-draws/

But Fiennes makes a good point that Michael Jackson had his skin pigment lightened, so therefor its right for a white man to play him. Jackson suffered from a rare immune disease that attacks the skin and leaves pigment appearing bleached. He bleached the rest of himself to mask the discoloration.

I applaud the casting of this film. It gives the left a taste of their own medicine. It has been impossible to watch pro sports without being inundated in (contemporary) urban black culture. It wasn’t always this way, but these days watch an NBA game or the Super Bowl, and one is almost guaranteed to see Beyoncé or Dr. Dre perform at half time. What I am saying is that pro sports has been taken over by rap culture. So for one of urban culture’s beloved (morally questionable) idols to be mimicked by some white guy for a change is the flip side of that coin. On that note I am going to have a drink!

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The left has been throwing The Hamiltons play in our face all year, a play in which all the founding father’s roles get played by blacks. They even stopped performing so they could yell at the Vice President. That is one more reason why a white guy playing Michael Jackson is poetic justice. Lets face it , a person who doesn’t belong in the role at all just makes a movie or event more interesting. For better or worse, it is by stepping into roles and perspectives that we don’t belong in, that we learn about each other.

Plan 9 From Underworld

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The “Underworld” series is really something. It has great action and special FX and terrible scripts. The new installment, “Underworld: Blood Wars,” finds the heroine played by Kate Beckinsale once again in the middle of the war between vampires and Lycans, or werewolves. Her character is really hot and apparently cannot be killed and is a Death Dealer. Charles Dance (from “The Golden Child” and “Alien 3”) is also in the movie as the heroine’s (I think)grandfather, and he hams it up in fine Christopher Lee fashion. He’s a great actor and has helped save many a genre film. However, most of the acting and literally the entire script is bad. All this business about Lycans and Death Dealers is beyond me to explain, but what’s good about this movie and the series is the action and set design. I did feel like I was in another world, albeit a world without character development.

To say this film is ridiculous is a grave understatement; there is so much sneering and so many double-crosses that the film becomes a parody of itself. Beckinsale doesn’t act; she just poses. Many of the actors appear to be posing for a Calvin Klein commercial, in fact. And yet despite all this, I LIKED this flick. It’s like a Hammer film crossed with Clive Barker’s “Nightbreed” on crack. It aims for a sort of “Empire Strikes Back” kind of feeling, and it doesn’t totally fail. It earns its R rating with massive bloodshed and lots of sexual innuendo. And it doesn’t seem TOO much like a video game. The series also beat “Twilight” and “The Daybreakers” to the screen, so it was passably original. If the scripts had ever been any good, this could’ve been the greatest horror series ever. As it is, it is one of my leading guilty pleasure. You have to put your brain on hold, but if you do, “Underworld: Blood Wars” is good fun. I would compare it to the 90s sci-fi epic “Waterworld” in that regard.

NYE VHS Apocalypse

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Tired of streaming? Sick of Redbox? Try something different! Have a VHS marathon! That’s what the staff of Groin decided to do NYE. And we decided to also get really drunk since conspiracy sites had told us that a comet was scheduled to hit the Earth that night, and we were expecting a Night of the Comet like event. So we decided to ask the people under the stairs to look through our dusty, secret hidden crate and dig out the appropriate VHS tapes to mark the occasion.

I was slowly coming to grips with my dastardly fate (I hate it when comets wipe out the Earth!), which surely awaited me and all of society…. This New Year’s Eve and Day, I did exactly that. With quality fine spirits  in both hands, I watched numerous VHS tapes in hope of dredging up that ’80’s and ’90’s nostalgia of watching films late at night on VHS. I figured you only live once and this is the way to go! There’s no living for tomorrow baby! You got to live for today!

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So I started with a Charles Band double feature: “Meridian: Kiss of the Beast” and “Crash and Burn.”

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“Meridian” is a hard-R take on “Beauty and the Beast” starring Sherilyn Fenn as a woman who returns to her ancestor’s castle in Italy, and is promptly romanced by two twins, one of whom turns into a beast during sex. This movie is surprisingly good because director Band has filmed it well and with plenty of atmosphere on location, and also because Fenn spends about 20 minutes of the movie naked. I had no idea fairy tales could be so steamy! I definitely recommend this film to anyone looking for a sexy movie or a new take on the fairy tale.

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“Crash and Burn,” also directed by Band, is a post-apocalypse science-fiction film in the tradition of “Hardware.” It is set in the early 2000’s, where the ozone layer has destroyed the atmosphere and the economy has collapsed. Corporations rule everything, and at a remote outpost, a group of about six people, led by Megan Ward, are doing battle with a psychopathic android, played by Bill Mosely. It turns out the only way this menacing killer can be stopped is by reviving a dormant giant robot to do battle with it. This is not a great movie, as it’s slow in places, but it has good special effects and gratuitous nudity. Both “Meridian” and “Crash and Burn” are Full Moon Productions, so the VHS tapes include behind-the-scenes footage and ads for other Full Moon films and products.

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I finished my drunken New Year’s celebration off with “Wheels of Terror,” a rip-off of “Duel” and “The Car” about Joanna Cassidy (from “Blade Runner”) and her daughter being menaced by a black Dodge Charger. Inside the car is a child molester and murderer, who we never see, and Joanna Cassidy drives a school bus of scared children after the driver because her daughter is in the Charger and must be saved. This one is kind of silly and corny in some ways, but it is well filmed by Christopher Cain, who directed “Young Guns,” and I found myself getting involved despite myself.

All in all, I was very happy that my home planet (Earth) was not hit by a comet this NYE. At the same time I feel more and more inspired every day to dig through my large VHS collection and find some treasures to speak about! -CoolAC