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Hard Rain = Hard Sell

Lets face it. Hard rain was a hard sell then and its still a hard sell now. This movie had a shitload of rain to where Seattle was flooded New Orleans style. You wind up with everybody fighting over loot, while jet skiing around with sawed off shot guns. Christian Slater, a real life gun nut, was cast perfectly in this film. Morgan Freeman opens up a can of whoop ass instead of acting like he fucking knows everything. The best scene is where they pop up from under water simultaneously in slow motion to action shotgun kill Randy Quaid.

At Groin we have to appreciate any moment that rips of the end of Chuck Norris in Missing in Action where he pops out from the water and machine guns everyone to death in slow motion. That moment has always been an inspiration to red-blooded testosterone fueled Americans, as they kick ass worldwide!

Now you are probably thinking: Why the hell did he watch that in the first place? Easy answer! I was reading an old copy of ‘Bad MoFO’ magazine and the guy panned it hard. So I asked my brother if he had seen it. The next day I was at the pawn shop in the ghetto here and I saw a copy of it on VHS and I knew that it was meant to be my copy! Alas, it was destiny. The pawn shop clerk endowed to me a free copy of this God-forsaken flick. Probably because he knew they paid like 10c for it and no one in their right mind would even want it, and this therefor represented the pawn shops one and only chance to be rid of this dust mite infested plastic, cardboard, and analog film relic.

This movie requires a 12 pack of cruddy beer and lots of beer nuts to get through. The whole movie has kind of a moldy, mildew, wet sulky feel to it. You will feel like drying off your shoes and flannel over-shirt. This movie honestly kinda still sucks compared to Michael Douglass’s Black Rain. But that’s just mostly cause the motorcycle decapitation scene in Black Rain (where the Big Trouble in Little China sidekick gets his head lopped off) was so elegant and memorable. Once you have had Purple Rain and Black Rain, you figure you have nothing left to lose by getting drunk and watching Hard Rain. Hell, I will basically watch any movie co-starring Randy Quaid (except for Major League II).

Dark Tower – A Solid Fantasy Film

Our other staff writer underestimated how good this film is. The film adaptation of Stephen King’s Dark tower is a towering masterpiece. Elba is awesome as the gunslinger and takes the role seriously. Also, he does some good dead-pan humor. He plays a fantasy western version of a Knights Templar. His guns were ‘forged from Exacalibur’.

McConaughey is also strong as the man in black, who can be thought of as the false prophet in a Biblical sense. The man in black bears a striking resemblance to the Randall Flagg character in the Stand, another apocalyptic Stephen King masterpiece. Unlike other modern hits like Harry Potter, this movie the Dark Tower warns against the use of occultist magic.

The most obvious occult symbols in the film are the dark tower itself (Tower of Babel/ WTC parallels are obvious from the NYC skyline shots being ominously shown over and over again), and the portal itself (CERN parallels). Just as in the stories Firestarter, there are tons of insinuations to the MK Ultra program (unveiled by the Church committee in the 70s in Congress and the victims were paid reparations), in which the government takes kids who have psychic abilities and abuses them and does experiments on them. In the Dark Tower the government keeps trying to seize the kid character in the film to do just that.

This movie is considered a fantasy. But it is not. It is Stephen King’s coded way of warning us of several things:
a) magic and occultism are dangerous and help to bring about the Anti-Christ (the Man in Black), by opening portals for demons to enter our world through.
b) the government kidnaps and experiments on people who are psychic (Firestarter with Drew Berrymore this occurs throughout the film, also in this film they try and get the kid for his psychic abilities, and its done through mental health or foster care)
c) The falling and rebuilding of the World Trade Center has some sort of strong connection to the occult, and King quite possibly predicted the fall of the Twin Towers in his first volume from 1982.

King started writing in the early 1970’s. At that time there was a strong mistrust of government. From the Gulf of Tonkin, to the Church committee, to Cointelprolo Operation, the government had gone and lied to the public while doing some really evil things. Stephen King clearly picked up on this. Many of his works exhibit an anti government paranoia. Not just Firestarter (where George C. Scott acts super creepy almost sexual intonations towards Drew Berrymore), but in the Dead Zone the Martin Sheen character was set to become a fascist dictator set on nuking the world. Lawnmower Man had ‘the Shop’ too. Or in the Stand, where small pox virus breaks out of a government lab, killing off most of the globe’s population. Only to be saved by the ‘Hand of God’ at the end. Stephen King himself is the visionary, and much of what he warns us about is directly from the bible.

This newest film of Stephen King’s is the clearest indication and proof yet that King believes (and is right) that Christian prophecies are fulfilled beyond anything that could be considered coincidence. The fact that the book dealt with apocalyptic towers in NYC way back in 1982 is a blatant example of how human history and future has been coded into biblical prophecy, and cleverly deciphered, reinterpreted, and laid bare for keen observers of pop culture to use as a tool to heighten their intellectual awareness.

Another notable simulacra throughout the film and the book the characters say ‘I shoot with my mind not my hand’. This echoes Infowars.com slogan ‘there is a war for your mind’ just a little to closely to be coincidence. There is also a line that repeats throughout regarding virtue (or lack thereof) about ‘Having forgotten the face of your father(s)’, which likely relates to the Founding Fathers and how America has abandoned its original principles. As you watch the film see what examples you can find as a viewer in terms of occultism. They are plentiful.

Trump Should Force Debt Default

I suggest Trump threaten to veto the debt ceiling increase and force a national default, since Congress has overspent. This will put the fear of God into Congress. Only if Congress stops these ridiculous politically motivated investigations should he sign a debt ceiling increase. If we cannot have our democratically elected leader, then bring the whole country down financially and start a revolution to begin a fresh , new government – with the old guard and the old deep state arrested or extradited.

And no SS or welfare checks?? Military? If he doesn’t accommodate those, many assume Trump won’t last ’til Christmas.

USA will still have tax revenue. Trump can direct Treasury to defund all welfare, but continue funding the military. Default wouldn’t mean we dont get to borrow (if we so choose) , it would mean our interest rates on the debt would balloon. However I think the debt is a SHAM anyways, and we should refuse to pay it (stick it to the bankers , China, and the Sauds) and issue a new currency, free of Fed and foreign influence. Also, California should be allowed to secede from the Union, since they want a lib utopian state. Texas should probably secede too. The left and right shall not reconcile in our lifetime. Face it!

Then what’s left would be more manageable.

First of all through much of US history we printed our own currency, and it was minted in silver and gold. We do not need to borrow money from our enemies China and Saudi Arabia, nor the Fed. We can simply print our own new currency and abandon the old one. We have done this twice in our history already, the first time was after the Revolutionary War.

Secondly , Trump did not make these insane spending agreements or wars. So it’s not his responsibility to promote them to the point where our grandchildren are enslaved for your debts.

If Congress comes to its senses and stops with all the BS investigations and endless pointless wars in the ME (when NK is set to nuke us meanwhile) and agrees to cut welfare, and stop expanding the evil government in perpetuity – only then Trump should sign to increase the debt ceiling.

Its about LEVERAGE.

Gunslinger is Just OK

So “The Dark Tower” movie from Stephen King’s great novels is finally here, so how is it? Well, it’s very entertaining. It moves quickly and has good action and special effects. Matthew McConaughey is great as Walter, the Man in Black, and Idris Elba is excellent as Roland the Gunslinger. This is a stripped-down action movie based on the books, and it works fairly well. Tom Taylor is just OK as Jake Chambers, but he’s likeable enough. The good news is that because a new story has been concocted for this movie, all of the books are still waiting to be filmed. A TV series is planned for 2018 with Elba that will attempt to adapt the books faithfully. As a result, this movie works as an appetizer for better things to come. It is a fun fantasy action thriller, and I do recommend it. Bring on the series; this movie is a good start!

Warlock BluRay is Pagan Gold

Maybe I’m weird, but the most anticipated Blu-ray release for me this year was not “Rogue One” or “La La Land,” but instead “The Warlock Collection.” Part of the new Vestron limited edition collection series from Lionsgate, these films deal with a Satanic warlock who wants to end the world. The original film features Richard E. Grant as a witch-hunter from the 17th century who, like the warlock, is zapped into 1991. Only Grant and Lori Singer can prevent Julian Sands from destroying the universe by saying God’s true name backwards and thereby undoing creation.

Lori Singer plays “Kassandra with a K,” a buoyant woman from the valley who joins the witch-hunt via necessity (the warlock puts an aging spell on her) but gradually falls for the sincere Grant. This film is distinguished by distinguished locales, good performances, a healthy sense of humor, and a wonderful Jerry Goldsmith score.

Sands is pure evil, but you like him: his suave British charm is hard to resist. Grant shines in a rare sympathetic role; you may remember him as the villain from “Hudson Hawk” or as the alchoholic in the great “Withnail and I.” Singer is sexy and feisty; what happened to her? Mary Woronov from “Eating Raoul” and “Night of the Comet” has a small role. Overall, a great film that I regret missing in theatres.

“Warlock: The Armageddon,” an almost unrelated sequel, is lower-budget but just as much fun. This time, Sands is more directly related to Satan, and his powers are much more sinister. Born in an oddball fashion full-grown from some random woman, Sands must acquire the correct precious priceless stones to end the world. This he does by tricking people into giving him the stones, then killing them Freddy Krueger or Wishmaster style. He even turns somebody into a Picasso! Who can stop his nefarious plot? The Druids, of course. and two dorky teenagers played by Chris Young and Paula Marshall. You would think the Warlock would easily win, but you’d be wrong. It all concludes in mano-a-mano fashion, as the dorky teen turns out to have the right stuff. This film, like the first, has very interesting special FX and is made with a kit of charm. I did see this at the AMC Saratoga 6 in 1993, and I miss seeing genuine B-films at the cinema. If you like Julian Sands and ridiculous horror films, don’t miss this one. It’s from the director of the “Waxwork” films and “Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth.”

Finally, we have “Warlock III: The End of Innocence,” where the Warlock is now played by Bruce Payne because Julian Sands didn’t like the script. This movie is about a college girl (played by “Hellraiser”‘s Ashley Laurence) who inherits a haunted house but wants to keep it so she can find out about her family heritage. She brings several friends along, and soon they are all being tormented by the Warlock, who tortures all the friends until they turn on our heroine. This film was OK but I couldn’t get into it. It didn’t fit with the other 2 films, mainly because it was too serious. This one I would recommend watching just once.

There are, of course, more bonus features on this set than I can count,, but the main thing is that you get 3 very entertaining ’90’s B horror films, painstakingly restored, for about $25. This set is so entertaining you’ll be tempted to give your soul over to the warlock. Julian Sands is the best horror baddie since Vincent Price, and these films show that off-the-wall, non-cliché efforts can be very entertaining. Don’t miss this Blu-ray set!

President Trump: Time Traveller In-Chief

President Trump is a time-traveler. See this awesome Youtube vid about it:

One thing many people don’t know is that Trump predicted 911.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flnhdhxVR6g

Back in the day, his uncle worked on Tesla’s theoretical works while at MIT. Trump was warned by his uncle that nuclear weapons and nuclear war were the greatest threat to man-kind. His uncle left Trump the blueprints to a time travel device. Trump had some money and had the device built. He travelled to the future to see what was going on. There he saw ISIS using nuclear weapons, after the US government was always arguing and doing nothing. When he got back to the present time he was determined to use things he knew about the future to build his family fortune so he could win the presidency, and help save the world.

This is all very hard to believe, I know. But take a look at this actual book that was written in the 1890’s. Or google it : Little Baron Trump’s Marvelous Underground Journey.

I will tell you something weird: Yesterday when I looked it up on Wikipedia it was there. Today I looked it up again once news hit the internet. Now it has been removed!!!

It talks about Baron Trump, and also about the president being protested against by large crowds on 5th Ave. in NY. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33vPflv5jyk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgpD8ItmdCY

There are ripples in time occurring all the time. Whether its missing Malaysian Airliners, or the fact that the post office will no longer consider a DVD or CD to be considered to be ‘media’ and act like ‘media’ was always synonymous with ‘educational materials’ (which it wasn’t) – we are starting to see multiple timelines converge. Close to the Edge of a re-run of the Korean War, a Russian scandal exactly mirroring ABSCAM, and more (Mayweather fight mirroring Ali’s MMA fights) we are in a directionless era which mirrors something of a time-loop. Most of the technological advancements we have seen in the past 30 years such as i-net had their origins in the government (DOD created the Inet or outer-space (satellites). And the government grants monopolies , patents, and leak out technology to people and companies like Zuck and FB. This is because those companies help grow Big Brother.

Trump represents the private industries backlash against public entities. And because the government is always bribing everyone and everything, there was no way to beat them at their own game except to time travel back and beat them at every step.

Why I Love the Atari ST

Many years ago (back in 1988) I had an Atari ST personal computer. We kept using it until the mid-90s. It had pretty impressive graphics for its time. Some of the best games for that system were the Leisure Suit Larry series, Death Sword, Flight Simukator, Mean 18, Gauntlet, Rampage, Prime Time, Operation Wolf and Thunderbolt, Time Bandit, The Uninvited, Shadowgate,and Nightbreed (Clive Barker).

The system was great because not only were the graphics good, but the system offered a premium gaming experience. For example, “Death Sword” was a state-of-the-art fighting game where you could decapitate your opponent. The fun of getting to that part of the game was priceless. And when a little troll comes and kicks the decapitated head off-screen, we are seeing brilliance here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0d3Re3MMjk

There were also some excellent arcade ports on the system. “Operation Wolf,” for example, was exactly like the arcade game except you use your mouse to shoot people instead of a gun. The thrill of victory on that game was tremendous. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66gMUnM2IbI

Switching gears, “Primetime” was a fun game where you run a TV station. You can pick which shows to buy and when to air them. It is hard to put into words why this game is so good. Against all odds, it would draw you in and you would become addicted to it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66gMUnM2IbI

Another really intense game was Hostages. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Er7JnSa3LG0

And Codename Iceman, where you solved murder crimes involving dope.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oE1RtpGBtQ&list=PLDE5E5962688DBC1D

The Atari ST is an important chapter in videogame history because it is the one time Atari built a really powerful system. It had 512K to 1040K RAM, depending on the model. The graphics and sound, for the time, are mind-blowing, and since BASIC was the operating system for the ST, it was possible for a novice to program and create games.

The system had one huge flaw: no hard drive. If the designers had figured out a way to put one in, gaming history could’ve been very different. Nevertheless, I love the ST because it was great to use and opened the door to the future of gaming. I will never forget the days of fun it gave me as a child, and I hope Atari makes a comeback someday. Stay tuned for retro reviews of Atari ST games!

Kid Rock Will Win Senate Seat

I called the Trump victory when he first entered the primaries or possibly before. Ask anyone who knows me. Now, I am pretty fucking sure Kid Rock will follow in Trump’s footsteps and run an all-American ‘I don’t give two fucks what the mainstream media thinks’ type campaign, and will drive a stake through the heart of anyone who stands in his way. He took a HUGE lead in the primary polls against GOP challengers in a poll today: 49 to 28 percent!

http://dailycaller.com/2017/07/28/shock-poll-shows-kid-rock-with-a-huge-lead-in-the-michigan-gop-senate-primary/

And he is basically even or winning against the Dem opponent. Fasten your seat belts kids. This should be fun!

Cherry 2000 Is the Future

One of the best films about androids is one that flew in under the radar, 1987’s “Cherry 2000.” This unheralded gem is about a man (David Andrews) who loves his devoted android girlfriend, a Cherry 2000 (played by the stunning Pamela Gidley). When she is accidentally destroyed due to exposure to water, he will stop at nothing to seek out another one. The newer models of droids, you see, are inferior, and sex between humans is a litigious mess (as Larry Fishburne shows us in a cameo as a lawyer). He ends up having to cross a desert wasteland to find one, with the help of sexy tracker-bounty hunter Melanie Griffith, and doing battle with such desert vagrants as GROIN Hall of Famers Tim Thomerson and Brion James. Will he find a Cherry 2000? Will he get it on with Melanie Griffith? Tune in and find out!

This film has a lot of things going for it. First of all, the director, Steve DeJarnett, is a visionary who co-wrote “Strange Brew” and wrote and directed the 1989 Anthony Edwards classic “Miracle Mile.” Secondly, the score by Basil Poledouris ranks as one of his best. Thirdly, there is a ton of action and some PG-13 sex. Fourth, Pamela Gidley and Melanie Griffith are very sexy and deliver good performances. Lastly, the plot seems to genuinely reflect the way things are going in the future. This film, unbelievably, went straight-to-VHS but quickly acquired a cult following when HBO showed it 24-7. It made a big impact on this reviewer as a child, and I like it even more today. Perhaps a remake is in order. In the meantime, I recommend you pick this flick up on DVD or Blu-ray, because it’s a great one!

Sexbots Need Robo-Pimps

Now that sexbots have started catching on at brothels in Austria, the time has come to have robotic pimps to keep the customers in line. http://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/633323/sex-robot-prostitutes-brothel-more-popular-real-girls-Vienna-Austria

Sexbots are really expensive, and there are so many laws on the books against a righteous pimp beating up a john to protect a good ho. The time has come for robotic pimps to give a firm backhand slap to those type of customers who will put out a cigarette using the bot as an ashtray. This will allow brothels to escape some of the liability involved with protecting the bots from misuse, and will also allow scientists to study how the sexbots and robopimps interact. The early days of robotic social anthropology will emerge, and we will learn a lot about robots. The robopimps can be equipped with body cams by TasR corporation, and the beat-downs of bad customers can be uploaded to social media for public shaming. The whole thing should be quite a hoot!

On a side-note, many are wondering why the customers in Austria are choosing the sexbot over the human prostitutes. I have been to a brothel in Austria and I know why! It is because the sexbot does not upsell. You pay $80 for a half hour and that is that! With the hookers, they constantly upsell, meaning they might stop part way through and start jacking the price up on you. My experience at a brothel in Austria was that for $30 I got one beer and a weak ass lap-dance. For sex they wanted like $200. No thanks!