retro reviews

Why I Love the Atari ST

Many years ago (back in 1988) I had an Atari ST personal computer. We kept using it until the mid-90s. It had pretty impressive graphics for its time. Some of the best games for that system were the Leisure Suit Larry series, Death Sword, Flight Simukator, Mean 18, Gauntlet, Rampage, Prime Time, Operation Wolf and Thunderbolt, Time Bandit, The Uninvited, Shadowgate,and Nightbreed (Clive Barker).

The system was great because not only were the graphics good, but the system offered a premium gaming experience. For example, “Death Sword” was a state-of-the-art fighting game where you could decapitate your opponent. The fun of getting to that part of the game was priceless. And when a little troll comes and kicks the decapitated head off-screen, we are seeing brilliance here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0d3Re3MMjk

There were also some excellent arcade ports on the system. “Operation Wolf,” for example, was exactly like the arcade game except you use your mouse to shoot people instead of a gun. The thrill of victory on that game was tremendous. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66gMUnM2IbI

Switching gears, “Primetime” was a fun game where you run a TV station. You can pick which shows to buy and when to air them. It is hard to put into words why this game is so good. Against all odds, it would draw you in and you would become addicted to it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66gMUnM2IbI

Another really intense game was Hostages. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Er7JnSa3LG0

And Codename Iceman, where you solved murder crimes involving dope.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oE1RtpGBtQ&list=PLDE5E5962688DBC1D

The Atari ST is an important chapter in videogame history because it is the one time Atari built a really powerful system. It had 512K to 1040K RAM, depending on the model. The graphics and sound, for the time, are mind-blowing, and since BASIC was the operating system for the ST, it was possible for a novice to program and create games.

The system had one huge flaw: no hard drive. If the designers had figured out a way to put one in, gaming history could’ve been very different. Nevertheless, I love the ST because it was great to use and opened the door to the future of gaming. I will never forget the days of fun it gave me as a child, and I hope Atari makes a comeback someday. Stay tuned for retro reviews of Atari ST games!

Cherry 2000 Is the Future

One of the best films about androids is one that flew in under the radar, 1987’s “Cherry 2000.” This unheralded gem is about a man (David Andrews) who loves his devoted android girlfriend, a Cherry 2000 (played by the stunning Pamela Gidley). When she is accidentally destroyed due to exposure to water, he will stop at nothing to seek out another one. The newer models of droids, you see, are inferior, and sex between humans is a litigious mess (as Larry Fishburne shows us in a cameo as a lawyer). He ends up having to cross a desert wasteland to find one, with the help of sexy tracker-bounty hunter Melanie Griffith, and doing battle with such desert vagrants as GROIN Hall of Famers Tim Thomerson and Brion James. Will he find a Cherry 2000? Will he get it on with Melanie Griffith? Tune in and find out!

This film has a lot of things going for it. First of all, the director, Steve DeJarnett, is a visionary who co-wrote “Strange Brew” and wrote and directed the 1989 Anthony Edwards classic “Miracle Mile.” Secondly, the score by Basil Poledouris ranks as one of his best. Thirdly, there is a ton of action and some PG-13 sex. Fourth, Pamela Gidley and Melanie Griffith are very sexy and deliver good performances. Lastly, the plot seems to genuinely reflect the way things are going in the future. This film, unbelievably, went straight-to-VHS but quickly acquired a cult following when HBO showed it 24-7. It made a big impact on this reviewer as a child, and I like it even more today. Perhaps a remake is in order. In the meantime, I recommend you pick this flick up on DVD or Blu-ray, because it’s a great one!

D.C. Cab is a Riot

Unlike today’s comedies which tend to be juvenile and mean-spirited, Joel Schumacher’s 1984 comedy “D.C. Cab” is genuinely funny and a quick-witted affair. Although unheralded at the time, this flick about a struggling cab company has matured into comic gold. Starring Mr. T, Gary Busey, Paul Rodriguez. and Adam Baldwin, this film has very little plot but nonstop madcap antics. Although well-deserving of its R rating, the film is never sexist or disgusting.

Additionally, all the stars deserved better than they got; the film is much funnier than the current Will Ferrell comedy “The House,” for example. In this film and the classic “Car Wash,” which he also wrote but did not direct, Schumacher displays a real skill for ethnic humor. He knows that plot is unimportant but a quick pace and constant jokes are key. Based on this film, it is borderline tragic that Mr. T. didn’t get better roles. He is great here. This film seems to lack the cult following it deserves, so we here at GROIN are putting it in our hall-of-fame as one of the greatest comedies of the 1980’s. We recommend renting it or buying the DVD today!